i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
