we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
