Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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