I molested 6 butterflies tonight
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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