Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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