What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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