We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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