i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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