I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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