Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
