I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
