I think my fart just growled at me.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
