I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
