Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize