theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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