Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
