He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
