Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
