my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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