We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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