She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
