just come out here and I will go home with you...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize