i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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