I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
