Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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