I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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