I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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