I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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