I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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