You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
