I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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