Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We are all done wearing pants today
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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