Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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