My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
