the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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