dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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