Umm I'm too high to move.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
