Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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