Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
