Betty ford says i'm here all night
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
