Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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