I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize