I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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