The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
