I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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