im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
my poor anus
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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