just tell him i said nine months
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
