I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
