i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize