That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
