Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Found your dick twin last night
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
