how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
