nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
