Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
