i may or may not be watching the land before time
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
