he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize