Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
