Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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