i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
