Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
