Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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