we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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