So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
