I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
