Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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