I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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