i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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