The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
