Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
