apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
