Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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