Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
even my farts smell like vagina
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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