so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
