You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
