sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
