no, he came in my armpit
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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